Writing

I've lost count of how many posts I have entered recently; what I do know is that every post seems quite confused as my brain feels and it seems like I'm whining!

Normally, I could not be bothered with my unorganised thoughts or my whining, this would be that chest that I would air my feelings and thoughts too and then lock it up and throw it (figuratively speaking) into the ocean and not be bothered by it all. Cause I dissected what was bothering me and found it wanting and really useless and left it at that.

But mostly they were unspoken thoughts that were aired for all of 5 minutes as I typed and then it was left as is. Having grown from that eureka moment with every post I was fine.

After being married I felt there was no need for the writing cause there was that other person stuck with me and had to listen to my unordered thoughts. However, there started the problem. Hubby talks, a lot more eloquently than me. Me? I'm still stuck on typing or writing that it gets hard to vocalise these thoughts.

How that is possible beats me. I'm typing without thinking as is, so speaking in effect should be the same thing no? Well, apparently my brain still is trying to catch up with that. Or perhaps its those moments when I sit at home wondering and ruminating over random things. Not that they are a bad thing, but I find that I have been taking my observation and ruminating for granted and relegated it to the useless pile. But there is much to be learned I think from that. And much to grow with.

Like today? I'm sympathising over that tree that had its life cut short because of the JCB whacking and uprooting it from that spot just two houses down from me. That brings me to another observation, the empty plots around the house are not going to be vacant any longer . . . and I find myself filled with sadness and worry. No more extraordinary sunlight, no more vast open spaces, no more fabulous wildlife. But then we need to live and hopefully the need for more homes means that young couples are realising that living alone is better than being in a joint family. Or that the homeless are now able to afford homes, so really its all good, right?

And that lady from the house next you ours, who looks mean, and her voice sounds mean too, and who at first glance seems like an overbearing interfering old lady - she's supervising from the step of my house, how that tree is being uprooted - is not that bad really. When she smiles she smiles brilliantly and every wrinkle on her face smack of a once beautiful lady who worked hard her entire life for others. And even now she loves to interfere/help whichever way we would like to see it.

And speaking of home, the christmas tree is finally down. It was a lot of hard work, mostly cause the dust was much and my back hurt since I had just woken up. But it was bittersweet, the start of a new year, the putting away of the ornaments and most importantly. . . watching the hubby focused so intensely on a task at hand. :)

It's been 4 months now and I have learnt that we are making allowances for each other and learning each other even after falling in love with each other a whole year before this. Leaving it unspoken, love is one confusing emotion that catches me in the raw and makes me analyse and realise that there is more to it than what we have and what I assume it is all about.

All these topics quite randomly flitted through my head today and it was sitting down and typing that brought more character and more understanding to these thoughts. Writing seems to be an essential part of me, something that I should not leave off to the side and forget, but enhance some more. And perhaps soon I will be unafraid to pick up the phone and carry out a conversation without worries? Or mentally rehearsing my speech?

The World Through These Eyes - I think this started more for exploring the travel and love that I had for discovering new cultures and new tips as well as stories. But it's become a personal journal of enquiry into this mind that is mine alone and that is sometimes visited by a few others. A ranting haven most times and a place to play recluse to my tired mind. I think this blog has helped me grow a lot and deserves more respect from me.